and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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