so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
