oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
