not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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