Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
