just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
