highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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