A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are two peas in an std pod
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
