I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
