Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
