How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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