i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
