Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
