i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Watching her eat just hurts me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
