you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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