I wish my penis had an off switch
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
