I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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