WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
