I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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