You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
