I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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