Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
