I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
