Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
