i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
