Too much gin, very little bucket
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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