Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
