just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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