I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
