She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
