we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
