the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
