I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
