On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
