omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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