cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
