Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
