you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
