ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
