his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
