just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
this is an emotional support booty call
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
