If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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