this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
