If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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