Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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