I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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