i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
