Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
