y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
