you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
