highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
