It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
